Toronto Femdom 101 – The importance of tone and theme with your Dominatrix

Hello kinky people!

I hope everyone who attended the Bottomless Golden event had a fantastic time! We had a truly memorable night and I look forward to many more collaborative events with gorgeous Dommes! If you haven’t already, be sure to sign up for my mailing list, so that you can keep up on all the latest Multi-Domme events and new releases from me!

So – Tone. Tenor. Vibe. Mood. Feel. We can call it a lot of different things, but today I want to talk about the tone of a scene, identify some of the common ones in my practice, and discuss negotiating with your Dom/me. I’ll include specific examples so hopefully you can see what I mean, but as always if you have any questions, shoot me an email or leave a comment!

To address tone, I think it’s wise to first address theme. I suggest you choose a theme if you have a particular fetish that you are primarily devoted to exploring, and if you would be disappointed if a mistress went off on a tangent with other kinks/subjects/fantasies. Themes can vary wildly, but for an example, choosing a medical theme will keep things med fet focused for the duration of the session.

So, fantastic! You’ve decided you’re going to book a one and a half hour medical session with me. That’s that, right? Just show up and have your wishes fulfilled.

It’s not exactly that easy. See, your Doctor Domme may have had a patient yesterday who wanted a cruel, sadistic, interrogation style medical play session, complete with needles and insertions, whereas you’ve come in wanting a soft, teasing touch, some laughter and inappropriate comments, that flush as a fully clothed woman takes in your naked form, exposing all of your weaknesses – and you’d really like me to put the clamps away, please!

The point is, you can’t just discuss safe words and themes and even toys and soft and hard limits without talking about what the tone of the scene is going to be – at least with Dommes who are comfortable adjusting their tone in session. I know a fair few stunning, experienced, thrilling Dommes who have basically the same affect and attitude with each submissive and will only accept sessions that fit within that – and I adore that. A Goddess who knows her own mind is powerful, and you will only incur her wrath by trying to force a tone for a scene that she doesn’t enjoy or didn’t sign up for.

But for those of you who are starting to explore, or even for those who haven’t found their alchemical, electrifying match in a Domina – try to have a good long think about the kind of tones and interactions you want to set up for your scene and above all COMMUNICATE THEM TO YOUR DOM/ME! Every scene is a negotiation and you do yourself a HUGE favour by being as communicative as possible.

In my experience, there are some common tones requested again and again, though they don’t have standardized names:

GFE/Kind/Cuddling/Sweet/Loving
This kind of tone is one of lovers. Obviously standard boundaries and rules apply, and this is not your standard GFE experience with an escort that would include sex, but this is the feeling behind the mood of the session – one of romance, suggestible and sexy. Think roses and champagne, though neither of those need be involved! This is somewhat more rarely offered and one that requires lots of negotiation.

Relaxed/friendly/fun/kinky/teasing
This is the tone of friends. The basic feeling of this type of session is that we’re relaxed and comfortable with each other, and just want to play with our kinks in a mutually beneficial way. This attracts people who like to relax and don’t like to take themselves (or even me!) very seriously. This is a session where we can laugh with each other if something funny happens. This is very commonly requested!

Dark/twisted/cruel/sadistic/mean/heavy/deep in character
This is the most intense version of the Dominant’s interpretation of your particular theme. This can involve cruel humiliation, sadistic pain play and torture, inspiring and electric verbal play, really powerful and deep role plays, and much more. The cruelty can be physical or emotional.

Nurturing/therapist/mom/caring & reassuring, comforting
This is most commonly selected with ABDL, therapy role plays, age play, and cuddling/comfort play, though can be adapted to almost any theme! The feeling of this tone is support and reassurance – comfort and warmth and acceptance.

This is just the barest outline of the tones that I encounter more often, and I’m dying to hear from other Dominas what kind of tone they enjoy the most! I think the biggest takeaway is that this is something that we should be discussing. It is also great to note that tones can be combined!

Do not fall for the myth that there is one true “style” of BDSM and if you’re not doing it like the most intense, sadomasochistic porn you’ve found on the dark recesses of the internet, you’re not doing it right. Each style and mood and kink is valid as long as it’s genuine and safely practiced with consent across the board. Even consensual non consent play is valid, though trickier to negotiate safely. Keep these things in mind as you look for a provider. Communicate your ideal tone and theme for the session. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO HAVE YOUR TESTICLES NAILED TO A TWO-BY-FOUR TO BE A GOOD SUBMISSIVE (but I mean, if that’s your jam I want an invite, and I have a lot of wood out back).

As always, stay kinky and healthy and contact me if you’d like to set the tone for your Toronto Domme session!

Miss Mindy xxx